LittleOleMe

Hmmmm so things are good. I'm still pot free. This is a great thing, though i've been tempted a whole whole whole lot a whole whole whole lot of times... but it seems i've found a better reason to NOT get high each time, and i'm thankful for that. I'm gonna move out of my house soon.. a house i have shared for the last four and a half years with my husband...who's really more like my best friend. We have lived together for the last 12 years.. and it's time for change... a good change a big c… Continue

or perhaps ecstatic is a better word... today was another good day in a string of good days which seem to be occurring more regularly I'm working on a really cool project with a really amazing person, and it's going to be SPECTACULAR when we pull it off. it feels good to be accomplishing something, or working towards accomplishing it anyways, while sober. Tomorrow makes a year since my grandmothers death. I remember that as soon as i got home from work that night i got high and stayed high. I… Continue

Yesterday was a test in a lot of ways. my mom is moving closer to me. I think that's a great thing. It still doesnt feel like a reality, but I think it will in time. I just keep thinking something will happen to prevent her from moving here. our timing is always messed up when it comes to living in proximity of each other. But this time will be different. my mom also has a health issue that is concerning me a bit right now. She is a mess over it. I'm just going to be positive about it and hopef… Continue

I am a ghost, everything passes through me. I'm drifting quietly in and out of this day. Nothing touches me, nothing before me or beneath me. I am translucent as sunlight, thoughts rattle like pennies in a paper cup, in my left behind brain. That's how I feel anyways.... and there are a couple thoughts rattling around up there i really need to stop with this pity party. inversions and metric conversions and numbers slipping back and forth undulating through time in a third a second time to b… Continue

I feel like: the door that someone didn't pull shut, the pencil with a hollow place at the end where the lead fell out, my favorite book, with all the interesting parts cut out. and I need to start writing more, sober. i push it away from myself, these days. i used to curl up in the curve of words and sentiments, and thoughts speeding by, and let them wash over me like a wave. i never had to think, to write. it just flowed, and I had no idea where it was flowing from; i only knew that my hand… Continue

I see my mother. But only in puzzle peices: the cotton blue shirt with its three brown-eyed buttons, a barrette or stiff loafers worn to softness. Within this interlude, she swings alone offering her weary arms and legs a rest, liberated from handicap's titanium so that she is now gliding on the breeze the slow "c are I t c hhh- c are I t c hhhh" of the glider's squeak creating a rhythm to her anecdotes and song. She created that rhythm two-fold one for each of us, a soundtrack from adolescence… Continue

lists are fun today I: washed all the glasses that were in the cabinet, (by hand) dried them and reorganized the cabinet alphabetized my books changed the sheets on my bed refolded the towels in the linen closet organized my work email and cleaned it up and i did all that to avoid picking up the pipe or sitting across from my husband while he smoked himself into oblivion and tomorrow im gonna go rollerskating and get in touch with my inner child because i know tomorrow is going to be even ha… Continue

i've been contemplating for a while now what it will be like to go to a concert sober. i'm pretty sure i haven't done that before. i used to get lost in that world... the concert world the people- the music...those were the days. it was quite the mindfuck. and i'm pretty certain weed was to blame there was one time i was convinced that pot was the cure for world peace i was in college seeking translations otherwise impalpable... so i went to a concert for a break- to take my mind off things..… Continue

and for me right now, it's my bed and the rain falling outside my window and the occasional crack of thunder in the distance which is remarkable but it's also the reality of the fact that my alarm clock will be blaring in my ears at 4am. and sleep is an elusive whore who rarely visits me these days but she's here tonight so i'm gonna make it happen cause i can.

In the past my friends would laugh when i asked about a recovery site for weed. They always said "weed isn't a real drug, people don't get addicted..." and there was a time that i believed them... but that was before i used to cheat on my dealers with other dealers so no one knew how much i was smoking a week. not to mention going to work high. and spending the equivalent of a really nice car payment on weed every month... and maybe that should have been my first clue that i needed to stop or th… Continue