i wonder if my life
will always be like this
with weed dragging me down
and the world looking like
i can't make it
even though
i have the cushiest life i could imagine.
even the simplest things
seem like such a drag
my drive deflated.
my ego worn out.
my perspective warped by the haze
of green smoke.
low self-esteem
laziness
a pathetic outlook.
help.
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Added by hellopeople on July 2, 2009 at 8:57am —
2 Comments
joy
interest in my projects
healthy feeling in my chest and body
connectedness to the people i care about
motivation to do a good job in school
liberated from obsessive thinking
waking up wanting to start my day
getting to appreciate/maximize the whole month/year/life
feeling my feelings
being in touch
feeling grounded but not weighed down
filling my time with creative fulfilling activities
motivation to push my exercise routine
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Added by hellopeople on August 27, 2008 at 9:19am —
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acting like friends with people i don't feel meaningfully connected to
losing the momentum towards doing my work well
needing people who don't have any obligation to me (needing them to get me weed)
spending whole evenings or half-days doing nothing
watching the months speed by without even appreciating this precious time (with littleoleme)
constant preoccupation with getting high
feeling down, tired, groggy, from a few hours after i smoke until the next day at least
losing the traction i have w…
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Added by hellopeople on August 27, 2008 at 9:14am —
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and this morning, it is a relief that weed is difficult to procure.
cause i didn't get any yesterday. even though i tried.
and i just want to remember why that's good. and hold on to why that's good. to get clear on why that's good. because it is so difficult to *get that*, to remember that, to get present to those reasons that i have *not* to get stoned, when I *want* to get stoned. it's just hard to know which way's up, you know...
i'm not being very articulate, and its not surprising since…
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Added by hellopeople on August 25, 2008 at 8:15am —
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i can't get stoned. i don't wanna get stoned. i wanna keep my life moving forward. i want to keep up this pace. life has been EXCELLENT! fun. FILLED WITH JOY. i wanna be IN MY LIFE. i wanna do life right. i want to hang tight. i want to hold tight to the traction. i don't want to lose the traction. i want to stay in my life. i want to be present with the love of my life. i want to stay connected to her. i want to enjoy her. i want to be open to her. i want to be WITH her.
i want to do good work…
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Added by hellopeople on August 24, 2008 at 2:00pm —
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i wanna get stoned. gee, wouldn't it be nice to get stoned? today's a good day to get stoned because i finished all my work. today's a good day to get stoned cause i have so much work to do and i want a break from thinking about it. today's a good day to get stoned cause i'm on top of my work. today's a good day to get stoned cause i'm bored. today's a good day to get stoned cause i'm happy. today's a good day to get stoned cause i'm so fuckin bummed. maybe i'll get stoned tomorrow. then i won't…
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Added by hellopeople on August 24, 2008 at 1:48pm —
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well, i don't have much to say. i feel like blogging but it's not really happening for me now.
but i do want to say that i did not get high tonight. despite the fact that i was handed a bowl, still lit, with what i suspect was some very good weed.
i said
no, thank you.
and then i came home.
and that was it.
it wasn't that hard really. and i am happy with my choice. because i know that i will have a good run in the morning. and i will go to the farmers market when its still almost a little…
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Added by hellopeople on May 2, 2008 at 8:18pm —
3 Comments
well that little comment made me want to write more about melissa.
because the first time i saw her, her first song was freedom. and as soon as she started it, my jaw dropped. i eventually just left the people i was with and i walked right up to the stage and i stood there completely in awe of her. i couldn't believe what i was seeing. i stood there with my mouth open for the rest of the show, except occasionally i'd realize my mouth was hanging open and close it. i bought several of her cd's t…
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Added by hellopeople on April 28, 2008 at 8:00pm —
1 Comment
man i am itching to blog. what a luxury to spend the day reading in a coffee shop!
so i will post this journal entry, which i wrote months ago.
*searches for journal entry*
alright. here's one. this is basically a list of why smoking sucks:
SMOKING
feeling out of it at a party around other people
planning everything in relation to weed
- when will i call my girlfriend?
- whom shall i invite to dinner?
- better call my mom (my friend, my coworker) now, before i get high, and get the conversa…
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Added by hellopeople on April 28, 2008 at 12:37pm —
1 Comment
making lists of things that make us happy is a good idea.
so.
1. the students i work with
2. jeez, i already felt a little bit better just after i wrote that item 1, so: this list.
3. sufficiently deep breaths
4. spending time laughing and talking with my sister
5. riding my bike
6. my nephew and nieces. their smiles and their playfulness and giggles.
7. running hard
8. fresh organic produce
9. good, homemade meals, cooked with high quality ingredients
10. all the people in the world who get h…
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Added by hellopeople on April 24, 2008 at 8:25pm —
1 Comment
i need to go somewhere, but i don't know where. ack!
*chews on hand*
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Added by hellopeople on April 3, 2008 at 4:31pm —
3 Comments
today is day one (again. i'd feel like i were lying if i didn't say that.)
it is a day one with more resolve than any of my dozens and dozens of day ones over the past two years. seriously.
but it is not an easy day one. not that anything's wrong. i feel pretty good overall. i feel like i'm acting sick, hanging out at home not wanting to go outside all day, napping, drinking tea. but i don't feel sick. nothing's really wrong. but i am having a hard time figuring out what to do with myself.
i…
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Added by hellopeople on March 31, 2008 at 5:29pm —
4 Comments
talk to friends
masturbate
have sex
eat chocolate
bake something
cook something
get online
go to a coffee shop
go to a coffee shop and get online
make a list of things to do instead of getting stoned
plant bulbs
run
play music
paint
draw a picture
take a bath
go to sleep
clean my apt.
sweep my porch
play a board game
clean my shower
play solitaire
look at myself naked
eat ice cream
go for a walk
write a letter
journal
hike
read
start a new book
do logic problems
learn calculus
learn spanish
stud…
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Added by hellopeople on March 12, 2008 at 5:19pm —
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i also wanted to mention this dream i had last night, right before i woke up and continued working in the workbook.
it was a brilliant day. like the sky was this gorgeous, deep blue, and the weather was perfectly alive, there were lots of trees, and i was walking around outside breathing in the crisp air, and i met up with this person i used to get weed from, like five years ago. so, i followed him into this dark, dusty, smelly, garage-type thing made out of sheet metal - at least i think it's…
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Added by hellopeople on March 9, 2008 at 9:31pm —
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it is not a headache from smoking, which is good. perhaps it is a headache from not smoking, but i doubt it, not because i haven't not smoked (i have!), but because i don't think i've ever had a headache from not smoking, and there are lots of times that i've been not-smoking. earlier i was sure it was a headache from not having eaten in a while. but now i have eaten, so i don't know why i still have a headache, unless it's not a headache from not having eaten in a while, in which case i don't k…
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Added by hellopeople on March 9, 2008 at 9:10pm —
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i am so happy i found y'all. there are a lot of very intelligent people in this community it seems. i'm glad to have found thoughtful people who seem to have healthy ideas about sobriety and well-being. i think this "social forum" kicks ass. thanks for being here, and thanks for setting it up, whoever did that. ( i guess it's that guy down there whose head i see the side of). thanks for using trebuchet ms, side-of-head-guy. what a lovely font!
i am thrilled about sobriety and often feel like ch…
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Added by hellopeople on March 5, 2008 at 8:30pm —
8 Comments
As I emerge from the fog of having smoked five days ago, I feel propelled towards my life.
Yesterday I woke up, paid my rent (which required going to the post office to make sure it arrived on time), went to the bank to make a deposit and sort out this annoying finance issue (not yet resolved), sorted through my paychecks to confirm that I had been paid correctly since the amount was so little I thought there must have been a mistake (there hadn't), drove to one place, then to another, then bac…
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Added by hellopeople on March 4, 2008 at 5:49pm —
2 Comments
