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Cindy Female Perth Australia: Share

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Profile Information

Hometown:

Western Australia

Relationship Status:

In a Relationship

How long clean and sober

Not.

About Me:

I am 46 years young and have been drinking way to much for way too long. It's beome a way of life and I am making myself quite ill - anxiety, the shakes and other unpleasant side effects. I have struggled with it for years and am still struggling. I would love to rewind my life but that is of course not possible. I would love to find delight in a cupcake, or an icecream like I used to as a child, but the only thing I delight in is a drink - white wine or bubbles. And of course I don't mean one drink, I mean a bottle or so.

Looking for?

The easy way out, but I don't think there is one.

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Cindy's Blog

Hello everyone

Hi everyone. Well here I am. This had better be fun because giving up champagne doesn't sound like a helluva lot of fun to me. Like many of you though, I have come to the conclusion that something's gotta go, and I'm not going to let it be my self esteem, few remaining braincells or my ability to get to work in the mornings. I am terrified of failure to do this but it's quite terrifying to live how I have been, pretty much hanging out for my next drink.

That said, I need a buddy or two

… Continue

Posted on November 22, 2007 at 3:56am — 4 Comments

Comment Wall (19 comments)

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At 10:05am on December 3, 2009, danaflett said…: How are you doing Cindy,hope all is well with you?

At 8:57pm on August 19, 2009, Cindy said…: Sweet mate. You are in my thoughts and I hope all is well. I did a Personal Development seminar in the weekend. I may as well have been at an Amway conference. Ra ra, bring it on, hugs and mayhem. Was a lot of fun and I have realised that I must change my day to day thoughts.

Raining here in Perth. I am home alone with my two Great Danes and may well just go back to bed! It's that kinda day....

At 3:38pm on August 19, 2009, Mike Dailey said…: G'day Shona,
Yes I am ploding along. Thanks for yer message . I hope you are good. Always nice to hear from you!

At 11:05am on July 19, 2009, Melly said…: Hey Shona,
How are you doing at the moment? I'm hoping you're never ever going to stop giving it a go. You have the desire, I can see that, you just need to learn some tools. Youve had a rough trot of late and that does not help, but you cant wait for things to go well to make the decision.........err other wise I'd still be drinking!!
And trust me If I can stop drinking?? then YOU can!!
Had a top weeend here, great weather! Is it really winter??
Melly

At 6:50pm on July 4, 2009, Cindy said…: Hey Melly

Thanks for the encouragement. Yes I need to dig deep and find some strength, and it is a crap pattern.

Yes, my counsellor was OK but it doesn't really work for me as I don't have the balls to knock it on the head. I managed for two weeks earlier this year, and it wasn't too bad, but then I just lost it one night and away I went again.

Yes buggery bum about seeking professional help for such addictions. It's not even an illegal substance, but the insurance companies can contact your practitioner, and probably would if you made a serious claim. If you hadn't disclosed such things, and lets say the alcohol was linked to the accident/injury, I could feel confident that they would not pay, hence you have been paying premiums for nothing. I felt really disappointed in that it is a big step to go and fess up to your doctor that you drink gallons and cannot seem to stop, only to find that you are not covered by any privacy laws with regard to insurers. Oh well. I'm over it for now. It's done. I was told that the'y look at me after I had done another year of counselling....

Perhaps this week will bring some good news and I will be able to rise above it all.

Have a great Sunday. We have a lovely day here in Perth.

Cheers

Shona

At 9:30am on July 4, 2009, Melly said…: Well buggery bum, I thought all that sort of thing was a privacy issue. When I took 2 weeks off work to detox I did not have to tell my employer why at all. Med cert. from my Dr was enough.
Im so sorry that something you are doing positively towards changing your life has bitten you on the posteria.
Being unhappy in your relationship does not help either. The feeling stuck and trapped along with the job prob. is only going ot make you want to numb yourself with alcohol. But I can say with reasonable confidence that it did not make anyting better, in fact its made it worse cos now you are feeling like a failure. A terrible pattern, that repeats and repeats and becomes seemingly imposssible to break. I had given up and Im not sure I can say what changed, but somewhere I made the choice to stop the drinking, and once I made that choice I became a bit stronger, not powerless as AAers like to preach, I choose to not drink because I cannot stop at one and I deserve something better =) and you definately deserve it too!
Would it be fair to say that its not often that drinking is fun anymore? Still some social occasions where it is 'enjoyable' but how many times do you end up drinking more than everyone else, stressing about getting more or even drinking on your own. Im deffo speaking from my own journal here Cindy, perhaps yours is similar.

Perhaps you could try another counsellor? Or perhaps because you have not made the choice to give up alcohol your counsellor is not working well for you? The counsellor I saw I thought was pretty useless, she didnt help me stop....it was a long time before it dawned on me that it was my choice, then I found I got alot more out of my counselling.
I can say that my anxiety is still there but it is not as painful or scary as it was when I drank. I am now more in control of it as opposed as the other way around!! LOL

Hey happy birthday for your Dad :-) 80 is brilliant eh!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks will ya look at the time! Im off to bed, give it another crack Cindy, never give up on yourself!
Melly

PS Nah dont get the lobotomy... I did and now my brain makes this awful sloshing sound whenever I move...gives me a headache.. LOL

At 9:37am on July 3, 2009, Melly said…: Well Cooee Cindy from the other side of Oz.
It sounds like youve learnt about the evils of moderation..it always ends up back to where you started and sometimes worse!
Its also hard to imagine life without alcohol at first. My life was intertwined with it, my having fun seemed dependant on it. but I learnt that I have just as much fun without and that I did not die a social or 'my life is so boring' death either.
Slowly but surely it starts to catch up with you... you dont bounce back like you did in your 20s.. so its time to stop... so you try willpower and that doesnt go so well... especially when you relapse and then beat yourself up and it knocks your self esteem down badly.
So do whatever it takes to stop, use all the support you can, focus on just today, each day as it comes, forget the past and dont let the future overwhelm you. Today YOU are so worth it you are not going to drink! =)
Hope you are doing well.
Melly

At 12:07am on June 1, 2009, Cindy said…: Hey there Oh I'm a doodle head no? I am moving forward and have a start with a company saving the world! (Environmental stuff) - educating the masses about energy use etc. and trying to dreduce greenhouse gases.

I hope one of your jobs comes through. Good luck! XXXX

At 4:45pm on May 28, 2009, Cindy said…: Hi Dana

Yes it is a bummer that I didn't need. So much for being honest but I guess I would pose a risk to the insurance company and they have to measure it. It has left me in a bit of a funk though and I do need to get back to working and a routine.

Bummer about your current issues. Gawd, I have them too but they usually rear their ugly heads when there is alcohol involved. I was supposed to be going north to a beach resort tommorrow but I didn't sleep well last night (kept waking up all the time with worry) so I might flag it. My friends that will be there all love a drink and it's very hard to not join them. I don't think I am ready yet after this week's efforts.

Where the heck are you going to go? I hope you have a support ststem of some sort in place. It's terrifying just thinking it through huh. I have done so numerous times but I have 2 Great Dane dogs which I cannot give up and other 'brakes'.

I hear you about staying where I am. It causes me so much grief mentally and physically. I can't believe I have two bunged up knees. I must have tipped over!

You have a good day and a good weekend. Life will go on...XX

At 5:56pm on December 8, 2007, j.r. (Jay R.) said…: LOL -- I've hardly abandoned you! I'm a harmonica player too, at least in a few keys. I have one of those good old neck braces and often play the blues and do a harmonica riff along with it. Learned it along time ago -- It takes some coordination, that's for sure! I bet you don't overinflate your talents at all -- you sound incredibly talented to me! So what did you think of my offer to do your computer stuff for free if you'll just get me to Perth? Ha ha! Would love to visit Australia one of these days... It's on "The List" for me -- my to do stuff. Take care and hope you're having a wonderful time moving into summer! Have had reasonable weather here, but it still gets cold in December and January. By the end of February, it will be time to get the shorts out here again I hope! Cheers and take good care of yourself!