Feeling on the outside

[Cristofer Lix]

I know addiction is addiction, and comes in many waya. However, my addiction is with prescription pain killers that i do need on some level. I have ben liveing with AIDS for 28 years and now have a chronic pain problem similar to fybromyalgia (I hurt everywhere) BUT I also LOOOOVE opiates. I finally started getting weekly scrips so I dont have so many pills to play with. But even now, the addictive side of my brain has gotten things wwarped so I get high about 3 days a week, and survive the other 3 and suffer the 7th. Its ridiculous! One of my bigger probs wiiht support is that I don't find anyone to identify with. So many problems with Heroin and Meth, on and on. And they have led people to far worse ends than i have seen. I definetely DO NOT look down on anyone. I just feel on the outside. That's why I'm trying Lifering now. I'm gonna go to some local groups. I DID NOT like NA at all! I don't like the approach. Not for me. I dunno. ANy thoughts out there?

[wednesday]

It sucks that u feel isolated. lsr and ning have helped me connect with people in the last year. i've tried aa a hundred times, and usually i feel worse after going to a meeting. In my experience, i've found that no matter what the drug of choice-addiction has similar components. i've been drawn to many different drugs and compulsive behaviors, but they all end up taking me to the same place, self-destruction. i'm rooting for ya. take care, apryl

[Your Sober Pal]

Hi Cristofer, and welcome to LifeRing!

I understand this feeling. Being on the outside is sometimes not always bad. But yeah, I like this idea:

"We are what we think about all day long." Sorry I can't attribute the quote to whomever said it~!! No memory chips left here....

What are you doing to change feeling isolated? Personally I am trying more to let people know I care about them, because I guess I'm viewed as aloof, and I am apart from others, partly because I'm so sensitive I can't deal with a lot of "reality".... so always something to "work" on. Isolating to use became a bad habit and I miss out on a lot when I do that.

I understand chronic pain and some have those issues with Rx. After taking ibuprofen over 12 years in massive doses I abandoned it for natural things (calcium, vitamins, massage, hot bath, relaxing, resting enough, making sure to have fun) The immune system boosters help me (garlic, yogurt, broccoli, etc.) but I'm on a rant now Haha.

Welcome, I hope you find something good here.
Your Sober Pal

[Michelle a/k/a flitter]

I can understand ur pain, in some ways. I found the way of getting pain meds over the internet about 5 or 6 years ago.....I actually did have problems, bit not that required daily use, and the doctors in my area just don't prescribe shit that helped--esp since one of my groups doctors was sued over prescribing them to a known addict with no real pain problem, over and over to him and anyone that even hinted they were in pain, so all the doctors there were afraid of prescribing. Since I found that they gave me an euphoria i enjoyed. I found an online doctor site, that in short you pay for an over the phone diagnosis, send medical records, etc., and POOF--you get 120 pain meds in the mail, with 2 or 3 refills. About $300 a pop! I figure i had put up to $2000 + (if i subtracted the money i made by "sharing" them) on my cc's before i had enough. Instead of one half a pill giving me the euphoria, now it took 2 or 3 or more a day, and i didn't get that feeling as much. Plus, i started out supplying someone else, that to this day, is still addicted, tryin to get some of my $$ back, when it became a loss if you know what i mean.
I finally just had enough!!!!!
I recognize it better today, as the pills have become available to me again, only not that big a quanity, and only sporadic thru a friend. I could see i was getting obsessive with them again, doing favors in return for them, only they didn't get me high after the first day or two of using.
It is a tough demon to beat, and a lot of people that don't have the problem think its no big deal.
I've seen some extreme instances on the Intervention program, it is very real!!!!!
Basically, i am compulsive addictive personality,. an alcoholic to date, slowly recovering tho', and when i think back, everything i have ever tried i got addicted to........cocaine for years, alcohol, opiates, tranquilizers, u name it.
I wish you a lot of luck and hope u can find something of value here.
I also attended NA meetings for a bit, and i found them totally of no help. Usually a bunch of extreme drug/heroin cases, crack, etc., that were mostly there because they were ordered to, not because they wanted the help. Hope something i said helped!
Hugs

[warpedone]

hey this is warped i have chronic pain and just recently went and got off oxys , i now get some fucking shots these help me greatly i also got a script of loratabs but found i dont have use them witch is hard for me to believe if you wanna join us in chat we would be happy chat you good luck warped one

[Fred]

Hey, hope you are feeling better. Attending my first LR meeting tomorrow night. I was sober for a long time before spiraling into a 4 year relapse (AA did not help prevent this and I sometimes think they helped me get into the black hole that caused me to f*&^ up). I went to AA, NA and CA and always wanted to use or scream when I left after hearing war stories. Hope to meet you sometime. I live in Arvada. Fred

[Rebecca]

Look into "Florida Detox"....it has a website...My son was hooked on Oxycodin....He went thru their rapid
detox program...Pretty amazing. He is doing much better now and has no craving or withdrawal symptoms.
I would go into detail but the website has it all...They were invited to the whitehouse because they're relapse rate
is phenomenal. They detox everyone...even hardcore Methodone users. I wish you the best of luck...

[Rebecca]

Look into "Florida Detox or the Amens Clinics...They both have websites....They handle addiction in a very
professional, educated, medical and enlightened approach!!

[Donald Todd Quinn]

I looked into "Florida Detox" as Rebecca suggested, and it looks like pretty impressive stuff.
It's been a while since your post. I hope that things are better for you.