I had my 48th birthday yesterday (July 2). It was pretty much a regular day. I had to clean a house and take care of all the kitties in my cat hotel. My neighbor made me feel special - she brought over a card and 2 little gifts. Good neighbors are a godsend. She has agreed to be a backup for the lady who will be taking care of my cats when I go on holiday. Hopefully, I will be able to relax about leaving them. There's been some dicey times lately in which I was really tempted to drink but didn't… Continue

My longtime boyfriend and drinking buddy knows I want to quit drinking. Yet, he begged and pleaded with me to go to this birthday barbque at his friends house. I went and I drank and had a good time. But as soon as we left he was in on me that I was after his friend and that I didn't pay enough attention to him. That was when I had had enough. I have been dealing with his alcoholic insecurities for over 8 years. I drank with him for the last 14 years. I broke up with him. He has been sabotaging… Continue

i wonder if my life
will always be like this
with weed dragging me down
and the world looking like
i can't make it
even though
i have the cushiest life i could imagine.

even the simplest things
seem like such a drag

my drive deflated.
my ego worn out.
my perspective warped by the haze
of green smoke.
low self-esteem
laziness
a pathetic outlook.
help.

The med's I've been taking for anxiety don't work as well as they used to, which scares me as tolerance may be building up. So I've researched a new med and will talk to my doc about getting onto it. It's called Gabapentin. It sounds really good.
Getting excited about my 4 day trip to my Aunt's place on July 16-20. I need a break!

Kitty business has picked way up after a quiet spring. I've got lots of bookings, which is great! I wish some of the cats were tidier. They can be quite messy!

That'… Continue

So I'm now 3 days sober & how do I feel? I'm not too sure if I'm honest, I'm not dancing through the daisies but neither am I in a dark room hiding away from the world - I came out of the room yesterday.

I've got to go out this afternoon to pick my little girl up from school & I'm dreading it. My husband has been working from home since last Saturday but had to go in today so I have no choice but to face the world head on. The idea of having to see people & talk to them is making me… Continue